A Letter From Me
"I ALWAYS THOUGHT I WAS JUST REALLY GOOD AT PEOPLE-PLEASING."
I always thought it was what I was supposed to, and should be, doing. I'd tell myself stories like:
"Be quiet when it comes to making choices and decisions."
"Let the other person decide."
"Your opinion doesn’t matter anyway."
"You'll just get it wrong."
I was convinced that if I let everyone else around me make all the decisions and have the final say then I would never get anything wrong, ever. I went through life trying to keep quiet and never expressing how I truly felt. I thought I was being kind behaving this way, but it came at the expense of being kind to myself and letting the one thing I really truly wanted slip right out of the palm of my hand.
When I fell pregnant I was too scared to speak up and actually say to my ex partner, "I want to keep this baby." Instead I ended up getting an abortion and that's when my descent towards rock bottom spiralled out of control.
After some time of incredible pain and heartache, I reached out for support and poured myself into self development. From group programmes, to online programmes, past life regressions, workshops, card readings, work with crystals, implementing essential oils - you name it, I did it.
Though I'm not suggesting you need to go and do all of this, I will ask you one thing: Have you ever felt something from your past creep into your present?
I was on a call with a mindset coach and she explained how all of our thoughts are like a clock and they go round and around and get categorised in our brain. And then it hit me. It was so simple, but it had taken me losing almost everything before I could realise it.
You see, my childhood was far from nurturing. I was surrounded by violence and drugs. As I grew older I suppressed every aspect of my past, I hid my childhood from everyone - even those I was intimate with - and I spent life never speaking up always afraid of the unpredictable outcomes.
Through the self development work I did I was finally able to let the shame go. I let it lift off my shoulders and started to approach life with an intense honesty about myself and others. I uncovered a newfound confidence - and even the ability to say what I want on my sandwich.
While your truth will never be the same as someone else’s, always remember that you're never alone. As people we are always all connected, and there are genuine beings out there ready to stand by and support you through this journey called life.
If any of this has triggered you, or you have ever been in a similar situation and want help to overcome it, I am passionate about supporting women through relationship trauma. Reach out to me and let's work on helping you break through to be your very best and most authentic self.